Just to kinda fill everyone in to why you haven't seen much of me for while, its just been a rough year.  Started out good, went to Passion '07, started reading Every Young Man's Battle and had some quiet times.  Well somewhere I just fell and haven't recovered yet.  Lost one of three closest uncles in march.  Then by late spring was losing inspiration for producing right after I had completed a remix for someone.  Tried working on more, just no go, wasn't able to work on any of my own.

THen by July, got a break, did a big video job and made some cash, which went to a pot for expense on new camera.  Still working on that.  I started picking up Djing again, getting ready for a gig and even put out some mixes.  Gig went good, had fun, sold cds and when I was gonna start producing again, got eye infection.

Then when that cleared somewhat, second of three closest uncles passes away suddenly and five days later, had to put down my 8.5 year old husky down and other's cancer comes back.  Which ya'll seen this from another thread.

Also some things I haven't said, that hasn't helped with my present situation is this year I made an effort at starting to get into a field of work Im knowledgeable in.  Went to some studios first of the year, nothing.  But I let it slip and recently dad helped me with my resume and I've been looking through sites and ads to see if I can find something.  This coming month, I'll be making my rounds again to see if I can find something.  Right now, I'm not financially able to support myself if I moved out or even *shudders* start a family or enjoy my hobbies.  So keep my job search and situation in prayer.

My church I go too, is on the decline.  It was uncovered that someone had been taking money from the church and only some much could be accounted for.  So between that an d music minister resigning some years ago, people have been leaving.  Between that, friends getting married, or moving, I don't have any to hang out with anymore or help me keep accountable.  Dad wants to start going to other churches where we can get plugged in, its just been a drain here.  Can't really trust leadership anymore.  I've tried to keep in touch with my friends, but they don't want to, only two of my church friends and one of my high school friends.  Rest its like they see me and hey, how you other than that nothing else and I can't fit in with the married ones cause well I have no one.

My walk with God hasn't been good either.  I have a lust problem and my co-workers don't help since with all the locker room talk, same as it was in college.  I have no self-esteem and self doubt, which makes it hard to want to find another job or work on my quiet times.

Just with job, spiritual well-being, lack of friends, lack of inspiration, finances, and with loosing loved ones,  just threw me into mild depression, so now I know what depression feels like.  I saw on webmd today, while looking up something else, symptoms of depression and suicide.  I matched like half of them and now given me a wake up call.  I don't want to be like this. 

Can ya just keep me in prayer for things I have spoken of, walk with God, cause I think a lot will be helped cause of this, like my lust problem, lack of inspiration, and well being.  Job with more income, that God will direct me to new friends or re-connect with old ones.  I'd find a place or ministry to connect with and use my talents for God.  That I will do something about my health and workout and maybe be an inspiration to my mom, cause she needs to desperately do something or I'll be loosing her prematurely.

Im just tired of the negativity, I began listening to some pastor's podcasts again but haven't gotten to do a quiet time yet.  I picked up my guitar this weekend and gonna get back into the groove and help with writing since I have ideas about my next batch and need more guitar.  Its gonna be baby steps and pray I just get a clue about trusting, having faith and giving it all to God.  But I'll need to muster up my own drive too along with faith to get stuff going and going in a better direction.

Thank you to the people that have been encouraging to me and prayed for me.  It was God that was there in high school and its still Him now thats keeping me going.  I just need to trust Him with my future cause right now I'm clueless. 

man, If I was financially able I would consider but most of all my family are here and I felt bad about one of my close cousins moving away.  So any move needs to be within several hours of family.

 :smiley18:Oh yeah, I know about the lust thing, not in the same way as you, but lust is a problem for me to. Its less of a problem now, because of the other crap that came into my life unexpedately. But the lust problem for me is slowly fading away. The rest of the stuff you and I already talked about that, so theres no need for me to mention that. You have more faith when you have money in your pocket & daz on da real, Pastor Steve Munsy said that on TBN, when your busted and broke you have less faith, but when we have sum money in our pockets, we have more faith.   My walk wit G-d has been affected due to the situation I am currently in, I would be lying if I said it wasnt, I still read my Bible b4 I go 2 sleep though, just dont pray as much. I dont even know what the future holds man, I am clueless, the best I can do is just do what Jesus said, not to worry about tomorrow, and I am just living day by day waiting for things to get better. Thats easier said than done, but I am making an effort thats what matters, baby steps are better than no steps at all. 

I will be willing to talk with you bro if your up for it.  Give me your phone nuber or a im.  Or you can pm me and jest let loose.  I will pray for you all of today and try to cont. to pray all week.   I'm sure Pat D, Chris S. and Shelby will back me up with prayer for you.  I dont think their is a man alive who does not have a lust prob. me includ.  I have good days and bad days.  Today was a good day, Thank God.  Like I said I will shot you a p.m.  Sound like we have been through alot of the same stuff.  I have gone thru alot of what your going thru now.  As far as your friends that are now married, dude I'm married and have 2 kids and still have single friends.  That is too bad that they dont want to have a relationship with you now, but being married is hard and takes time, so that could be it.  Their loosing out.  Their some days I just fig. screw tasty, screw djing, screw trying to do anything for God.  I feel like a piece of worthless  .  But you have to get up and go on.  If you are faithfull now God will bless you.  I should be able to buy your cd soon.  I love drum and bass. So hopfully that will get you a meal.  Like I said we all go thru crap, unfortu. you have had a big mean huge pill put on you this last year.  We are all brothers and sisters her.  I extend my hand in brotherly Love in Christ Jesus.  I will server God, just let me know what you need.  Worse case deal you always have good friends here.  Hopfuly C-stone will be a relaty for us all this next summer.  Peace Tom.  Sorry for the spelling, I suck at spelling.

Praying for you, man.

If i can turn it around you can bro... Become your own best friend. Being alone is a challenge. It forces you to solve your own problems, figure out your own needs, learn to enjoy you own company.You will be in my prayers and may the lord bless and give you the strenght to keep your head up...your my bro in jesus and anything i can do to help just pm me....may you get the peace of the lord and hang in there...

update.....

DJ'ed one of my first weddings, last saturday, it was a blast.

Today, got some inspiration for some tracks to pick back up.

Sent out like five resumes to some post production companies via email.  Hopefully hear something after the weekend.

Next month, or so, will be looking for a different church along with my parents or at least get plugged into some type of college ministry.  Trying to keep my ears open for some.

I need to get a better paying job, seems like I can't put a dent in my bills and then be able to use some money for my Djing/producing.  Haven't been able to tithe either, ugh....

Praying man...
It sounds like we're all going through hard times. My struggle is lust too.
PM me if you'd like...