Glow,

 I have friends who married their best friends... it took a few years for the girls to wake up but it happens.  My one friend was best friends with this girl for 7 YEARS... and eventually they were like wait a minute why don't we date!  

another married couple friends of mine were friends for about 5 years and dated other people and then finally were both single started hanging out naturally (not trying to make anything happen) and they started to realize they were falling for each other so they said to each other, if this is gonna happen we'll have to get married because we're not gonna waste our time dating around anymore...  and 7 or 8 months later they got married...

my own story is similar but not as dramatic...  I met my wife online, we talked online constantly for 3 months but within the first week determined that there would be no way we could date each other because I was a Christian and she was not and she didn't feel she could hold herself to my standards so we decided to stay friends and our friendship built over 3 months of talking online while were both at work... we'd talk constantly for 8 hours straight pretty much everyday...  finally we were like, "Do you think we should at least hang out sometime?"  And we decided that would be a bad idea because what if we met each other found we didn't hang as much fun hanging out in person or something and then got awkward talking online and lost our online buddy... (we both had pretty dull jobs during the day so we really valued having each other to talk to lol)  3 days later we were like, "Let's hang out tonight..." still on a friend level  so we went out played pool for about an hour or so and then said good night...  the next morning we said, "Man good thing we are still friends because that was a gamble!"     that night I called her to see what she was doing, she was hanging out with her brothers watching movies and invited me over, I wasn't doing anything else so I went over just to hang out again totally not expecting anything to develop...   then I had tickets to an emery show the next night and had an extra ticket because the girl I was planning on having go with me as a date ended up cancelling on me so I said she could come with me and my friend... still really not trying to get a date with her just really didn't feel like selling my ticket to a stranger when I could have another friend come with me...  So at the next night at the show we started flirting a little but still kinda just being goofy... the next night I found myself calling her to see what she was doing again lol   she wasn't doing anything and so we decided to hang out at her parents and watch a movie... I brought the secret weapon, Garden State     We watched the whole movie and then I was about to leave for the night and I found myself giving her a kiss goodnight and then pretty much things just fell into place...  She started coming to my church to just "check it out"... I didn't force her to come just left it an open invite...  and we quickly started growing closer and closer and then about 2 weeks later we realized that we were becoming much more than friends, and she had already known that I was dating around... if I was going to date someone I would have to be able to see them as my wife so we discussed that fact and I said to her, "It doesn't mean that we have to get married tomorrow or anything, it's just it has to be a realistic possibility, can you see yourself married to me?"  and so then we started dating, that was December 24th, 2005, shortly after that she got saved and then July 7th, 2007 we got married.... our whole relationship has taught us to just not try to MAKE things happen just let God do that, it's what he's best at!   I value the fact that we were friends first because the fact that she is my best friend makes everything fun...  we have so much fun and we have our own inside jokes like you have with your best buds and we just can do about anything and have fun at it...  And how boring is life if you aren't spending the rest of your life with your best buddy???   And you have the bonus of the fact that you are madly in love with each other too.

Hope our story can give you hope, I know that right now it might seem like there's no light at the end with your chances of getting out of the friend zone but I'm an advocate for the friend zone!!  Eventually, if it's ment to be, God will show her and make things fall into place for you, and if it's not, God will show you!  

Since Chris wrote so much, I don't feel bad about writing more....

I think the biggest thing that helped me develop my relationship with my wife is that, when we first met, I thought she couldn't stand me. Talk about taking off the pressure to impress someone! We kept bumping into each other due to having mutual friends, but I still thought she didn't like me.

Long story less long, we kept ending up around each other because of mutual friends that we had. Eventually I realized that she didn't hate me and we started talking a bit, then more, and finally pretty much non-stop. Finally, I felt like we were good enough friends that, even if I asked her on a date and she wasn't interested, we could get over it and still remain friends. I asked her out. She said "What took you so long?" (Actually, she didn't say, just thought it and told me later that she'd thought it. )

I'm not sure how much of that applies to Glow, except perhaps that I found my wife when I wasn't looking to find a wife.

Seriously....  if you want to ask me what works, anymore, I just want to be a friend to everybody, guys AND girls.  After dating gobs of guys last year, and with no satisfactory findings, I decided to be done with it.  Forever. 

I think the "attraction thing" is stupid.  I still do.  Friendship, even if it's platonic, is always better.

And, if things this time around don't work out, I'm still done with dating.  Forever.  However, I don't see that as unlikely, seeing how my guy really does want things to work out, and we're both getting too old to just be farting around.  And, we were pretty good friends for months and months before anything else happened, and we are still friends, and mainly developing on that, above anything else.  It's a very odd relationship dynamic, unlike most one would expect to find these days.  He and I are both more concerned about our friendship, as well as our music careers (we're both musicians, actually).  We've both been done with that stupid dating scene.  Doesn't mean I don't have my current concerns, though, but, like I said, if it's supposed to work out, it will.  I really could care less.  I'm happy with my life, regardless.   

God is so supa kewl!
thank you all for you kind words and ur awesome advice...

i was able to let go of her yesterday    i still like her and of course i still love her, care about her and am happy i am her friend.. but now i have let go of her and placed her where i needed to in God's hands... it is so freeing

praise God 

glad to hear things are better, nice poem btw

u know what's krazy?
the fact that this gurl and i have gotten closer since i let go... she even told me that she loves me... that is super kewl... i like how close our friendship is 

God is sooo kewl

Here's a virtual hug, kneesh: I'm glad that what I wrote helped you.

Back in college, I had to watch a girl I loved deeply (and who claimed to love me and who knew that I wanted to marry her) marry a guy that was verbally and emotionally abusive to her. She was a very wounded person and married him out of guilt and because she felt like she didn't deserve any better.

It hurt like an "H", an "E", and a couple of hockey sticks, but I turned it over to God and let go. I was messed up for a while and needed time to heal. But a few years later, I met the woman who has been my wife for over 12 years now. She has all of the wonderful qualities that I loved about the first girl and more, without the excessive emotional baggage that the first girl just wouldn't give up and--in some ways--actually clung to.

Btw, if you love her...really really love her, Say Anything.


It probably won't work, but it would be cool to see you standing in the street holding up a boom box with a song professing your love for her.

I discovered that no matter what you try or do for her (any woman), they make up thier mind the day they meet you if you will be allowed to date them. If they are interested and you stall, you go directly to the friend zone. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. When you decide to do something about approaching her, it's already too late. You can buy them gifts, drinks, remember all their favs, watch movies with them, sing songs with them, anything....you will not suceed. Then years after you marry someone else, she will tell you that if you had simply asked her on a date before she got to know you, you would have had a shot. She's only seen the friend side of you up till now. She does not have a "husband" perspective of you yet. When she sees that side, then she will crush you with that little insight.

What's the moral? Ask a girl on a date the moment you meet her. If she says no, that's that. She's not interested. If she says yes, then you may be on your way, just don't mess it up.