part of me wanted to stay and chat

but a huge big part of me wanted to just get in the car, blast some loud bangin' hard acid techno, and pray, just thanking the lord that brian had intersected my life

i dunno', we rarely hung out in real life, i'd chat with him a lot, he is one of the few people i felt i could really be for real with, if that makes any sense

i had an incredible sense of loss though, i was going to go visit him in mid january, but things got too busy and i decided i'd hold off till february...i should've just MADE the time and made it work......should've could've would've whateva'....honestly, i see that as me being greedy

i need to just continue to be thankful about brian, even now as i type this part of me is missing him so much, i know i'm going to see him again, and when i do i know that the whole time thing will not be a factor, it will be as if he was gone for just a moment, but from where i am in space and time right now it sure seems like it's going to be awhile till i see him again

i end up doing this with a lot of people, i keep putting off visiting d-range out in victorville, i have not seen josh and audrey for years, since before they had their baby...it is so easy to get caught up in the world, you day to day this and that

i need to go see d-range, if i don't soon, who knows, the lord could take him home and i don't see that crazy foo' for a long time

i'm totally rambling now, i'm sorry, my head goes insane with thoughts from all different directions all at once when i start really thinking about all of this

may the lord bless you all phattly, and thank you lord for placing people like brian in my life

::EDIT::.

oh yeah, you guys like pics of his gear, here's some i took awhile ago, i'm sure some of you have seen this stuff.....btw, is it wrong to ask, what's happened to his gear, are they selling it off or something? that modular alone would help his familia out a lot of it was sold, too rich for my blood, but brian said he had several offers of 20k or so on the larger of the modular emu's, that'd help them out a bunch i'd think....anyhoo, here's the pics:





the homies

thank you!

i figured it'd be either danyen helping them out or d-dub with it, even though d-dub is a bit of a ways away, he's not that far...

brian was very fond of toys, he's got some speed boat too, lots of stuff to help finance the family

part of me, was kinda' hoping...that one of the kids would want the gear, and begin to learn how to use it, and keep his musical legacy going, lol, kinda' silly but i dunno', i think it'd be neat-o rad

Wow, he had some really heavy gear, my thoughts are... perhaps the gear could be offered out to all producing tastyfreshers and keep it in the 'family' so to speak. Not that I have a spare $20k for the modular systems 

If ever something bad happens to me that's what I would want

I never seen so much gear in one room all i can say what a ledgend

Ouch.