Today after working 18hrs straight no sleep we go to the hospital to get results on a scan of my wife (been in remission for less than a year) and they give us the news its back again 4th time and looks like its spread. To be honest I dont know what to do they are running out of options and are searching for more now. This has been going on for 6 years now and I also lost my father and grandmother to it within these years. I am at a lost end I feel abandoned and absolutley kick the living crap out of. I need anything any prayer that you can provide anything.

Carl

Man, I'm sorry. I'm praying for you on this.

I am really sorry to hear of this.  I do not have the right words of comfort, and I am sorry for that.  My mother is also very, very ill and will die soon as well.  I know the feeling of how lonely that is, but I still can not imagine what you are going through.

You are in our prayers.

Praying for you both, Carl.

ya'll are in my prayers.

I am sorry to hear of the battle your wife is going through and also the stress and toil that it has been for you. I have compassion and empathy for your situation. I know the deperation of looking for options, seeking God dilgently in prayer and asking for answers and hope. There must be many tears and sadness as you face this.
I admire that you got on the board for prayer. I have been supported through prayer by my ordeal and I still have many more doctors visits and hopefully an end to all this.
I will pray for you and if you haven't go to the elders of your church and have them pray for your wife and annoint her with oil. If your church doesn't do this then find one that does. I believe God still heals and He hears our prayers.

The Prayer of Faith
James 5:13 Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. 14Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Thank you so much for prayer, my strength for the Lord has increased over the last few days, last night I was praying and felt so abandoned but then I was promted that I had been praying for JC to help me carry the yoke because I couldnt carry it alone this gave me great comfort as I knew for a while He had been taking most of the weight.  My wife Cherie is struggling atm her pain quite bad yesterday, we have apointment with surgeon next week but being back on the spine they got all they could get last time in that area, she has gone back on a very strict diet and I have ordered apricot kernels which I have heard from different sources that they have cancer fighting properties (B 17) I pray this is an answer as the doctors still have not got back with anything confident. I have organised the elders of our church as well as the ministry and worship team to pray and anoint Cherie and a prayer meeting once a week has been set up again to prayer for Her, our church is amazing for support.  I will keep you posted but your prayers are definatley working thank you with all my heart.

Carl

Yes!!  Start eating apricot kernels!  I ate them this past summer but was told for my situation that my tumor would not readily absorb the cyto-toxins which are not only B-17 "laetril" but they also contains B-15.  Apricot kernels essentially contain cyanide that naturally occurs in certain fruit seeds. the cyanide is wrapped in a glucose molecule and cancer feeds off of glucose to spread and essentially it takes it in like a trojan horse and receives the cyanide basically killing cancer. Be aware that they are very bitter  and they take some getting used to. They will not kill you despite the cyanide. A general rule is to not eat much more in a day as you would the fruit itself ( I ate 30 a day at my peak).  Above all, Pray and seek the Lord hardcore on this. Get rid of any Diet drinks or other items containing aspartame or splenda (poison!!) and also get away from processed sugars and High fructose corn syrup. Eat Everything organic if possible including juicing raw organic veggies and fruits. Also check out this site for some God-sent supplements that I am currently taking,  they are a Christian ministry at my parents church "Calvary Chapel Chino Hills" in california that takes healing and health seriously with prayer and practical steps to get our bodies back to a healthy state.  http://www.gen4living.com/

God Bless Bro and give your wife a hug and get on the road to healing and health!


In Christ,

Brian Scroggins

Thanks you for the reply and encouragement the kernels arived today and man they are bitter, but my wife has forced them down she is going to crush them and add them to her juice. We have both gone on strict diet of organic fruit veg no suger no dairy no meat or chicken very little fish, no white bread and other various things in accordance with the Ian Gawler Foundation diet which I sent my wife down to a few times back, she is also on vitamins, minerals and many other things. I also have wheatgrass coming in which I will grow it for her as well as setting up a veg and herb garden. So we are hitting this as hard as we can head on with God infront of us clearing the way.

God Bless thanks you again

Yes,  good,  sounds like you are doing the right things. REmember it's the Lord's work, just be sensitive to his holy spirit and obey.

In Christ,

Brian S.

Went back to doctors yesterday, they have set up appointments with surgeon and they are also going to speak to radioligist, the hip area they are not concerned about due to the location its the spine area they are worried about, they are also checking closely at her lungs to make sure it has not spread to there (pray that it has not). They are wanting to radiate both areass if they can, the back area not quite sure as it has had intensive radiotheropy there before and then they want to trial a chemo that is generally used on breast cancer patients but the US has trialed on her cancer but no results yet. So praise to God that they have some form of answer but just pray that God will completly heal her this time.

God Bless

Carl

Got a call today from the oncology department that the surgeon said he wants to operate on her spin and remove the tumour from that location asap. This is such a blessing as they thought that they could not take any more from that location praise be to God. So prayer please that 1 that it is in soft tissue only and 2 that they get it all properly this time and then get the other in her hip and mop up with radio and chemo.

Thanks you for your continuing prayer

Looks like Cherie will be admitted tommorrow for surgery, so please pray that God will work a miricle it is His hands only and totally out of our control He is the only one that has any say in this. We had an amazing prayer seesion with our church on sunday and it was very clear that the Holy spirit was present and like 404 felt the elders felt allott of warmth in her back and where their hands were layed it was truely amazing.

Thank you all again for your prayer.

God Bless

Carl

Ok update they are taking Cherie in for surgery in two weeks time to remove both tumours the one in her spin they will remove a full vertibrae and any more ribs they need to, they will also do her hip as well and then do radiotheropy on her hip as well, its going to be massive so please any prayer for strength and courage leading up to the surgery.. God Bless carl

Man, I'm sorry. I've been ignoring this and it's not fair to you or your wife. Please forgive me. Her cancer is every bit as important as Brian's or Chris'.

Its fine mate

wow....will do

Surgery's in 2 days Im getting pretty nervous and stressed, Cherie is feeling the same, please pray for calmness and God strength for us both cause theres not much else that we can do.

God Bless

Carl

will be praying!

Ok today is the day, we saw the surgeon yesterday they had a meting with the whole team of radioligist and oncologist and surgeons, what they decided is they are going to remove the tumour on the spin only not the hipas well. They are going to remove 2-3 vertibrae + the remander of the 2/3 one they left last time. The reason for not doing anything with the hip is that they feel that cause it has already spread that there is no point Nice hey. But thats ok God provides a path way we are going to the other side of the country to have Radio wave theropy treatment when Cherie recovers then back to the coast for Ukrain treatment, then down south for Latrel intravenous treatment after that if needed. The doctors may have given up but little do they know that we have a faith and a strong faith, we have a creator that has control over all He has the ability to heal in many ways so that is where we lay our faith, as you can see he has already opened up path ways for us, treatments that we didnt know or got rejected by 12 months ago.

So please just continued prayer that God contunues to open the doors for us and show us the right way to walk, and that the Holy spirit will be with Cherie as she undergoes the surgery today.

God Bless

Carl

Praying for ya.

PRAISE BE TO OUR LORD ALMIGHTY, Cherie had her operation today and after 8 hrs in surgery she has came out fine, no damage to the spinal cord, they took the remaing vertabrae and to more also allot of flesh they think they got a good clearence but are awaiting for pathology for conformation. She is in intensive care at the moment so still along way to go yet and more treatments but the most risky is over and God has brought her through fine.

Thank you again God Bless

Carl

sounds good.

considering all,  good.

good to hear man

She is doing amazing as if I doubted, she has been standing already and was out of ICU in under 24hrs instead of 48hrs like they said, she's up talking (instead of sleeping) and joking around. You cant even compare from the last time they did this, her goal is to be out in 7days instead of a month like last time, I tknow she will acheive this. God is certainly showing His strength in this. Thank you again for your continued prayers you can be assured God is hearing and answering them.

Big Blessings to you all

Carl

 :-X Awesome dude!

Cherie is coming home tomorwow by the looks of it yeeehaaaa. No results on the surgery yet and we still have to takle the hip area but we are both so positive and feel so blessed by the Lord.

That's awesome, Carl!

Ok sorry its been a while been back at work and doing big hours again yay NOT! Anyways the Drs are blown away by cheries recovery rate God is certainly working hard with in her. Each day is getting better and better, thank you again for your continued prayer and strength through prayer. Will keep you posted as always

Hey all, update time: Cherie is getting better each day she is starting to get out and about, her lungs are just about back to normal and she is off all heavy pain killers, but we still need constant prayer as her hip (where the other tumour is) is starting to cause her pain and last yesterday had really bad pain accross her lower back pray that this is not from the tumour. We have an apointment with oncology this coming wed to see what they have to say, we would both like to see surgery be an option so please pray that God will open the door for us on this. If not we have options up our sleave and I am also going to look into tomotheropy as it sounds very good that means a trip to you end of the world USA. So please any prayer for all of this will greatly appretiated. It is a constant battle but much easier with all your prayer and Gods love.


God Bless

Carl

glad to hear she's gotta better, still in my prayers.

Carl, thanks for the good update. Still praying for Cherie.

Thanks guys your prayers were heard Cheries pain in her lower back went that very next day, so be encouraged that God is hearing you guys. I cant explain how much your prayer means to us but it beyond this relm.  Many many Blessings Carl

Ok we saw the Oncologists yesterday, and also got the pathology back, they didnt not get good margins all the way around from the spine, so there could be cells still there, there might not be, the hip area all the are suggesting is radiation treatment on this one, but it has shown us the direction which to head as the treatment in Western Aust. will not do it on Cherie if she was to have radiation treatment on her hip so that is the way we are going and leaving radiation to later on. The docters have ordered more scan to make sure it is only still in those areas (so big prayers that it is). So from here more scans next week, she the oncologist for results, have an apointment with radiologist just to basically get in to the system. Wait to here from Western Austr treatment.

But I need prayer for strength atm as I have external influences that are putting a massive amount of pressure on me and causing fights and stress. This is taking its toll more than dealing with Cheries cancer. ATM I can not escape it and I have tried to make the situation better but its falling on deaf ears


God Bless

Carl

Heading to Perth for radio wave treatment on Friday please pray 1: that she will be ok to have the treatment and 2: that the treatment will work. also for safety and the holy spirit to surround us.

Went to the oncologists and radiamologist today we got results of scans, not real good, they found a lot more tumours, now apart of the one on the right hip there is now one one the left hip, T12 vertibrae, possible pelvis and both lungs so we need some pretty serious and intense prayer for healing and a miricle, we ae still leaving on Fri for Perth pray that they still will except her for treatment after all these new findings, God bless Carl

Wow. :'( Praying. For healing, peace, strength... everything.

ditto

Cherie got accepted for treatment here in perth and starts on wed next week so we can kick back till then


Thanks you again for continuing prayer.

I pleasd the Blood of Jesus over you and your wife, I rebuke that cancer off of her in Jesus name and thank God that by Jesus stripes she is healed, I thank God that weeping for you two may remain for a night but rejoicing for you both comes in the morning!!! Praise God, I place a hedge of protection of Christ Jesus' blood, I thank God for using what the devil meant for bad for good in Jesus Mighty name!

hey check out Essaic tea and Wobenzym, search them in search engine for like cures cancer or cancer tumors, they both are natural ways that are great for fighting cancer, check em out man! Plus fasting for your wife for healing would be great, I said a prayer for you both, God Bless you all and all of your lvoed ones!

Thank you so much mate for prayer and help, pray that god bless you in aboundance.

She had her first radiowave treatment today she said it was very uncomfortable as it heats up your body pretty bad, and some pain was experienced but everyone says the first treatment is the worse. But there are no other side effects so far it is not like chemo or radiation it doesnt kill all cells good and bad. How it works they inject glucose into the viens and then that excites the tumour cells and then the radiowave blocks the tomour from accessing the glucose so it burns its self out. It is  a 3.5 week treatment and then we do scans 6 weeks after the last treatment to see how it is all going more treatment maybe needed we will see. Prayer and support is the biggest thing at the moment for both Cherie and me as I am supporting her 24/7 which is a job within its self.

Thanks you so much again for continuing prayer we are blessed to have you guys pray over us thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Carl

I am praying for you and your wife.

thanks mate

We got some results back today from a CT scan that Cherie got doen before we came over here, there were suspect tumour on her left hip T12, lungs and pelvis but today the doctor got the official report and it said the images are only very slight and might not even be tumours GOD BLESS, this is not 100% sure only a PET scan will reveal that but she will not get that till 6 weeks after finishing treatment here in Perth but it gives us more hope and definatley more encouragement when you think you cant take any more God gives us sunshine Praise GOD. The treatment is still hard but getting easier than the first couple of days, I was not coping real well for a few days there, to much time to think but I have been doing better these last 2 days and thus maing Cherie feel better in doing so. Thank you for continuing prayer it is helping.

God Bless

Carl :)

Carl, glad for the encouraging report. It was good to get to IM with you and Cherie (indirectly) earlier.

Ok all Cherie has almost finished treatment only 4 more to go but it is taking its toll, she and me didnt sleep last night basically at all due to imense pain in her hips, back and legs. Its hard to tell what this is caused by, it could be a result of the treatment it could be tumours getting worse who knows but I do know she is in a lot of pain so could you please pray for releif of this for her. God Bless Carl I will glad to get back home.

crap... I'm such a bad guy. Sorry Carl. I owe you. :(

Carl, I'm sorry to hear that Cherie's in so much pain. I'll be praying specifically for that, too. I'm sure you'll both be glad to be home again. Also praying for a good report when she has her tests after you get back. But most of all praying for strong faith and trust in God wherever the path may lead.

I'll try to IM you tomorrow. I've got meetings most of the morning, but hopefully we can hook up some time soon.

Take care. Relay my best wishes to Cherie, and let her know that Kierstin still asks about you two pretty much every day.

Carl, I can't imagine what you and Cherie are going through. I am keeping you in my prayers.

Thanks guys, she made it through another treatment today so 3 more, she is stepping up her drugs tonight to the ocycontins so hopefully that will help ,she is sleeping now though which is good. Prayer for strength is good though I knwo God is healing its just hard to see sometimes what area of healing He is working in eg physical, spiritual pray for both.

Hey, Like with Brian and Chris... we've now got a donation page online. If you feel lead to give and have paypal, please visit the donations page (http://tastyfresh.com/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=111).

Dave

Ok all we are home Cherie finished the treatment the last few days were really hard for her and she was pretty crook last night. She is doing better tonight, I can see the difference in her just being home I pray this keeps up. Anyways we got home this morning and there were about 20 of our friends here and they and other friends other friends of friends and ppl at our church had done an anormous amount of work on our house, ppl had donated time, material and money to get the job done,we are still blown away, I will upload pictures soon we cant beleive the support of everyone. It was just amazing. God bless all of you guys for your continuing prayer.

I love you guys,  hang in their.  :hug:

 :hug:

Today Cherie had to go to hospital as the pain was getting to bad and she had a temp. They are pumping her full of antibiotics and giving her a blood transfusion tonight, they did chest xray's but didnt want to say much as they are awaiting to do a CT scan tomorrow to see what is going on and if things have progressed or just what? So as you can imagine she is not well at all, I dont know what is going on or where we are up to with everyting, I guess as normal I wait for results. Please pray that her pain is taken away and the scans have some good in them. God Bless

Carl

Praying, Carl!

Praying man. I know it's got to be rough.

Praying for you   :hug:

dj ru & Clank

Ct scan results back in and it has spread up her spin allot and into her chest cavity within the last 2 months, she is still wanting to try some alternate treatments, but we were able to have a good talk tonight about things which was good but very hard, I very flawed am and feel like a truck has run over me, Jesus is carrying I know this but the pain is still increadible.

Hey brother, all I can say is trust the Lord and hang in there.  :hug:

x2. I'm glad we had a chance to chat this morning. Prayers and thoughts go out to you and Cherie.

I'm still praying.

Hey all, things are not still going real well, Cherie is really struggling to get around at all, and over the past 4 days her mouth has slowley started to go numb starting from her jaw now into her lip this is unexplained the only think that I pray it is, is one of her natural medications is reacting with something, so I have told her to stop taking this new thing she started a couple of weks ago. She is freaking out cause one of her friends that passed away a few years ago with the same cancer had problems with a numb mouth before she passed away. Her pain is still not totally under control even though it has been increased dramatically, so she is going to see palative care Doctors this week and try to sort it out, but increase of morphine means she is going to be more out to it. I am still getting a lot of external pressure and stress from outside persons and trying not to take it on board but it is personal and it effects me, but it is tiny compared to what Cherie is going through. God is the only one that has control over this so please pray what ever He has planned to act apon it soon, also to take away cheries pain and her mouth comes good.

God Bless

Carl

Went ans saw the Gp again yesterday and he said that the mouth thing is something pressing on a nerve, it could be a bad tooth but a trip to the dentist will tell, please pray it is only a tooth not a tumour in the head. Also I am looking at going on a carer's pension to be home with Cherie depending on the amount of payments that I can get please pray that it will be enough for me to be able to do this to look after Cherie. God Bles

Carl

Hey all just a quick update, Cherie is back in hospital with back problems she mis judged the lowness of a seat and droped into it and did some damage but they are not sure what she has done and are doing more scans today, also after going to the dentist he found no bad teeth so they are doing the scans of her heas as well. Things are getting pretty tough.

my heart & prayers go out to ya, bro :hug:

Got the MRI results back today and they were not good they were only taken of her spine and they showed that the T12 and N1 had significant growth with tumours, there is a tumour on the nerves surrounding the spinal chord and we dont know how much time that will take to press on the spinal cord and cut off feelings to her lower body, they still can not find an infection and they are speculating it could be in her lungs, but good she is coming home tomorrow and we will take it from there. The stress is taking its toll and I side swiped another car in the work van today from not concentrating, its getting really tough and Im not sure where to turn or what to do , I know God is by my side and carrying Cherie and I but the stress and pain of this all gets way to much sometimes.

Pray that God does what he needs to do and stop all this pain and suffering with Cherie please

I'm so sorry. I'm still praying. Wish I could make it better.

x2  :smiley28:

Sorry to hear things are so tough.  We're praying for you.

dj ru & Clank

Hey all Cherie is still going down hill she is in palative care now on a morphine pump and the levels are increasing all the time, she started another alternate treatment today which I am pretty stressed about because her parents did the research and they said no side effects but when I did it I found some pretty major ones so I decided not to administer it to her as I do not want to be responsible for any more suffering plus it is illegal in our state so there is a whole legal side to it as well. SHe wants to go a head with it so her father is giving it to her, but of coarse you can imagine the tension now. I am at the stage now where I want the Lord  to take her home without any more suffering and pain so can you pray so too, pray for my sanity to please as each day gets harder and harder. GOD BLESS Carl

:hug:

Carl, I know it's not quite the same, but when I was 16, my mom was going through a similar time with cervical cancer. At this stage, she was experiencing great levels of dementia and did not recognize most people other than myself and her husband (my step-dad). My sister was 5 at the time and my mom just said "Oh look at that pretty little girl" to her. This really hit all of us hard.

I bring this up because I was feeling the same way about her. She knew the Lord and had made peace with everybody she had wronged in her life. I was tired of praying for God to heal her, because it was evident that this was not in His plan. He was bringing her home no matter how much we begged Him to let her stay. It was His mercy that welcomed her home and spared her suffering any further. I brought myself to a point where I knew that it was best for her to leave and my prayers then became similar to yours now.

It's not easy to accept or even think of accepting this as the best outcome. I am praying with you during this time for strength, patience, understanding, peace, and ease of mind.

Im still praying for all of you guys Carl

hey carl.was reading your situation.im so sorry brother.im going to get on my knees and pray  my little heart out for you guys.may you find the peace of god friend.......

Hey all its been hard to post up here for a while cause I guess its hard to write it down, Cherie is getting weaker and sicker each day, the doctors have not given her much time left and she is ready to be at peace with God and to go home, I am ready to let her go as she is just so weak and tired of this body, I want to her to be new and totally healed in Christ and waiting for the new earth and new heaven where we can be together again. Pray that God makes his presence very known to her and takes her home with open arms.

Carl, I'm glad that Cherie now feels ready to head to her real home. People outside the situation can easily throw around tons of cliches, but I think, for the one in the situation, that's gotta be a hard turning point to get past. Even for a Christian.

While I know that Cherie will be in Heaven where, as you said, she will be new and totally healed, my heart still breaks for you. I'll will continue praying for you both in the time that Cherie has left and will pray that her passing will be peaceful and that God will fill you, Carl, with His peace and love during and after that time.

And always remember that, despite the thousands of miles of separation, your TF family is there for you, brother.

I wish I could be there with you through this my brother. Regardless of what happens, there is hope, joy, love and peace. Should God still decide to heal, she will be a living testimony to what he has done in her and she will become a symbol of the hope, joy, love and peace we all share in Christ. If God decides to take her home, she will be restored just as you said and we all can rest in God's promise of hope, joy, love and peace. Regardless, God's will will be done and Cherie will be victorious.

I know it is a difficult time, but keep holding on to God. He will lead both you and your family through this. Know that everyone here at TF loves and cares for you and your wife deeply.

 :smiley27:

 :smiley27:  :hug: ditto what john and dave said.

 :'( on my knees pleading for intercession.  May it be God' will to heal. Praying for you for strength.  Just rember if she does go home, you will get to see her in the spirtual sense of things.  Just hang in their, makes all the stuff I'm going thru trevial.  God bless you and your familys. :hug: :hug:

First off thank you all for all your support and prayer, after 7 years of Battleing with Ewing Sarcoma (Bone Cancer)  Cherie was taken home by our Lord. She fought so hard in these last couple of days and it took a massive amount of drugs to keep her calm and sedated. In the end she went so peacefully and left with a tear for us to show the love that she was leaving behind and how hard it was for her to do. She was an inspiration to so many and touched so many lives including mine, she was so loved and always will be. She was an amazing individual and I will miss Her so bad. thank you all that prayed for healing She is 100% healed now with a new body and strength. God Bless

Carl, let me know if there's something I can do. I'm already praying for you so you don't have to ask for that, unless it's something specific.

Dave

 :'(  :'(

man, my heart goes out to ya.  :hug:  :smiley27:

ditto, what Dave said, hit me up on MSN whenever.

Just rest in God's arms and he'll bring peace and thanks for the encouraging words we've had at the first of september, I know it hurts man.

Sorry to hear that mate, im praying for you

Carl, I love you bro. Crystal and I are praying for you. Hit me up on MSN if you'd like.

Love you brother.  :'(

Hey Carl...I don't really know you guys very well...but have been following everything through TF and have been praying for you guys.  My heart cries out in both sorrow and joy for you and Cherie.  You'll still be in my thoughts and prayers as you work through all of this.  Speaking as someone who has lost someone to disease I can honestly attest to the power of God's healing grace.  Somewhere...somehow...God can and will be glorified through this.  I know it may be impossible to see right now but God remains faithful and will reveal His plan in His time...just stay strong and surround yourself with people who love you and serve the Lord.  Like everyone else said...if there's anything we can do for you and your family, please don't hesitate to let us know.  You're family to us here on TF and we all love you!

John Heyer
Nocturnal Groove Fellowship

Wow...im so sorry to hear this Carl :hug: :'( will be praying for you :(

I am so sorry... I will be praying, and have been praying for you all... like we all have said here, don't hesitate to ask if we can do anything for you let us know....

Thank you so much all you have all been so supportive over these trying times I cant express how much I love you guys and this family, I m just so blessed that God directed me to this site a couple of years ago. God Bless Carl

You're in our thoughts & prayers.  We pray for peace and strength for you.

dj ru & Clank

I'm sorry.  My thoughts, prayers and well wishes are with you. 

how are you doing??? the Lord put it in my heart to pray for you just right now. may Gods' peace be on your heart.


in Christ

Daniel R

Yeah not to bad mate, get a little angry way to quick but thats just part of the greif, besides that holding up strong went back to my church for the first time last weekend, hard but good as well. Working very hard again back to 12 hr days most days and that will increase but it keeps me from sitting on my butt all day long thinking to much. The major I struggle with was having to make the decsion to keep increasing the morphine to eventually stop Cheries heart in the final days, its the one thing that I am having a hard time with making that descision to end the one you love lifes even though the pain was that unbearable for her that there was no choice it still is a heavy burdon and ripps my heart out and think it always will. I guess in time this will ease a bit.

she is in a place of no pain... please take comfort in that.

Carl i know there are no words to help, but just know that i care about you alot, and am indeed praying for you. and if you ever want to talk and im around that i am avaliable always. i know it isnt much considering... but i hope its something... im praying for you buddy

Thank you I need it I think im stronger thanI really am but it is hitting me more and more I struggle at times, I know Cherie didnt want me to fall to bits so I am trying not to but it is hard sometimes. You guys are major support thank you for that.

Glad we can help. BTW, it's ok to fall apart on stuff like this. My sister died when I was 5 months old. I'm still dealing with that loss. It's totally different from what you've experienced, but sometimes you do need a good cry and a to call out to God.

^ Crap. I just lost some "Man Points."

Yeha I know its hard for me though this is an area I struggle with cause I have learnt to hold it together for such a long time. But I definatly feel more human when it comes through.

dood reds... i totally disagree with that... i think its more "being a man" to take your emotion for what it is, and cry when you need to, i think you should be considered MORE of a man if you do that then just stuff it all inside, and pretend it doesnt bother you...  im not ashamed to say that when something hurts me reallly badly... i certainely let it out. it shoudl never ever be considered a "wussy" thing to cry IMHO

dave is joking.. hehe.
anyway, sometimes you have to fall apart and let Jesus put you back together man. that is just the facts of life man. i could go on and on. but im sure you know pretty much everything im gonna say. the hard part is getting it to go from your head to your heart...

ditto what shelby said.

DR you did justloose your man points I realise it is good to let go but yeah I agree getting it frm your head to your heart is the hard one